Lent, and other circles of hell

So pretty much every year since I was around 17/18 I’ve chosen to give up something for Lent – and this something is usually chocolate. I wouldn’t say I’m a chocolate addict, but I eat it regularly and I miss it when it’s gone, so it’s sort of become a tradition for me to see if I can go without and 2017 is no different. I’m just finishing up day 12.

Now, I’m not religious in the slightest, so partaking in Lent is for me more of a personal endeavour – to see if I can see something through to the end that would be somewhat of a challenge to my everyday life. If I was really serious about it then I’d try giving up wine, but anyone who knows me will note that as ridiculous/impossible so we’ll move on.

Despite engaging in Lent every year, I was still under the impression that the whole thing lasts for exactly 40 days and 40 nights, as per the film where that guy gives up sex. Until writing this, I firmly remembered ‘that guy’ being Matt Damon, and Matt Damon never lies, so the timescale checked out. Turns out ‘that guy’ was actually Josh Hartnett, who really can’t be trusted at all, thus throwing everything I thought I knew out the window. So Lent is actually 46 days in 2017, which is pretty dreadful on all accounts.

BUT committing I am, so with this in mind let me bestow upon you the 5 stages I go through when giving up chocolate for Lent:

1. Absolutely fine (and a little bit smug about it)


It’s begun! Cleanse me of my sins, oh wonderful Lent (not my real sins of course, that would be silly) Not missing my sacrificed item in the slightest, not sure I even liked it that much in the first place. I’ll probably lose weight, because if I’m not having chocolate then I obviously won’t be eating anything unhealthy at all, so everything looks pretty great.

2. Cravings creeping in


Okay, starting to think about chocolate a little bit. When it hits that 3pm lull at work my mind starts to wander to the selection on offer in the staff shop, especially as the Creme Eggs are out in full force now. I see you, sweet tooth, but we’re cool.

3. Resentment for everyone & everything around you


Hating life. Not quite sure how I haven’t withered away at this point. Everyone is eating chocolate and everyone is rubbing it in my face. Very close to quitting. And now it’s someone’s birthday in the office and they’ve brought in a bloody chocolate cake and how dare they?? 

4. Goddess on Earth who will never be thwarted


So close to the end now, and feeling like an absolute force to be reckoned with. I’ve nearly done it, against the odds, and I feel like it’s really made me think about my own strengths and what I can overcome. Will definitely be sticking with this for good!!

5. Complete & utter relief


Easter Sunday and I’ve devoured an entire chocolate egg for breakfast, whispering sweet nothings about how I’ll never abandon it again. Zero regret.


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